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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25605208">Boy Meets Evil</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PsychedelicatePoltergeist/pseuds/PsychedelicatePoltergeist'>PsychedelicatePoltergeist</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Lessons In Strength, Friendship and Love [29]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Acceptance, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, Coming Out, Internalized Homophobia, Introspection, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, POV First Person, Panic Attacks, Swearing, Thunderstorms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:00:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,800</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25605208</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PsychedelicatePoltergeist/pseuds/PsychedelicatePoltergeist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I've trusted him a lot, despite my anxiety. But there's one secret I'm taking to the grave with me, the one secret I will never, ever tell him. Thinkin' about it makes my chest tighten up and my hands tremble. This secret is the quickest way to end our friendship, and I live with the guilt of it every day, knowing that he would think of me as a disgusting freak if he ever finds out. Not that he'd be wrong - I am a disgusting freak.</p><p>-</p><p>Kazuichi struggles to accept his identity.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko/Soda Kazuichi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Lessons In Strength, Friendship and Love [29]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/918003</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>102</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>It's been a hot minute since my last Kuzusouda oneshot, huh? I'm really glad to see the tag being more active, though! Thank you to everyone who's been contributing!</p><p>This oneshot contains strong themes of internalised homophobia, including mentions of homophobic slurs (though none are actually stated outright.) If you feel that this may be too much for you, please click away now.</p><p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Loneliness sucks, but you get used to it after a while. You kinda just have to accept that you're not good enough for anyone, no matter how hard you try to be the cool kid. I have to live with the fact that I'll never be the cool kid. I'm the loser everyone loves to pick on. I'm just barely more popular than Nagito, and that's not sayin' much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I'm still not used to the fact that I have a friend, to be honest. I mean, he's the leader of one of the biggest yakuza clans in the country! It's not every day that one of those guys wants to be buddy-buddy with you. But Fuyuhiko's more than just a yakuza, at least to me. He's a hardass, and he's always on my case about my hygiene and my studies like he's my mom, but when you get to know him, he's actually a pretty nice guy! I mean, the whole reason we became friends is because he saved me from gettin' beaten up by some guys from the Reserve Course. That's pretty cool of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took me a real long time to really trust him, though. When a yakuza saves you from a group of kids who're 'bout to beat you up, you don't just tell him all your secrets right off the bat. He prolly did that because he wants to be the one to beat you up. I didn't even get any time to thank him; he just walked off like nothing happened. But after that, he started hangin' round me more. He even remembered my birthday and got me an old-timey radio that'd apparently been lying around in the attic of Kuzuryuu Manor. How the heck did he know that I'd like that!? Man, you have no idea how much fun I had tearin' that thing down! I've been thinking 'bout installing a Bluetooth receiver in it so I can stream music with it! Doesn't that sound so cool!?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crap, I'm gettin' carried away, aren't I? Sorry 'bout that. Where was I? Ah, right, Fuyuhiko…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, I later found out that he's a pretty lonely guy, too, like me. Apparently he just wanted a friend, too. He has a cute sister and a hot bodyguard chick, which is better than nothing, but I guess it makes sense that he'd want a guy friend. He's livin' in a tough world full of big expectations and stuff you'd find in an action movie. It's weighing down on him a lot more than I thought. Sometimes he just wants to chill out and play video games with someone like a normal teenage guy, y'know?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He's a great friend. He's a way cooler guy than a lot of people give him credit for, includin' his own family.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But I don't deserve him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I've trusted him a lot, despite my anxiety. I've told him about how lonely I am, how I've been bullied so much in middle school, how I often feel like my dad expects way too much from me. I've told him some deep, dark secrets I've never told anyone else, like how I had a crush on a teacher when I was a kid, or how my dad thinks I have some kinda disability.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But there's one secret I'm taking to the grave with me, the one secret I will never, ever tell him. Thinkin' about it makes my chest tighten up and my hands tremble. This secret is the quickest way to end our friendship, and I live with the guilt of it every day, knowing that he would think of me as a disgusting freak if he ever finds out. Not that he'd be wrong - I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am </span>
  </em>
  <span>a disgusting freak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ugh. I can't say it. These words sound so sickening. I swear to god, I'm gonna puke if I say them out loud. I've tried so hard to just swallow it down and ignore it, but it's gettin' harder and harder every day. I hate it. I hate it so much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ugh. Well. Here goes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I'm gay for Fuyuhiko. There. That's the big secret.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I don't even know if I ever liked Sonia that way. I wanna say that I still really like her, but I don't. All my simpin' is just a facade to hide how I really feel. I mean, Fuyuhiko doesn't like how clingy I am with her, either, but he'd rather that than me… than me… y'know… bein' a… no, that's a bad word, I can't say it. You get what I mean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Do I even like girls? I don't fuckin' know. Does it even matter? I'm a freak either way. I've tried so hard to deny everything, come up with a million ways to tell myself that Fuyuhiko's just a bro to me and that I'm not… like this. But it never worked. I knew that I was lyin' to myself all along. No use denying it. Just gotta live with it now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And I know for a fact that Fuyuhiko would hate me for being this way. See, Mahiru came out as a… a lesbian a little while ago, and Fuyuhiko's been callin' her slurs and shit ever since, especially when she's with Hiyoko. I think it's really upsettin' her. She's been avoiding him ever since. Imagine how Fuyuhiko would treat me if he ever found out I'm like her. See what I mean? He'd drop me like a hot potato, prolly act like he never had anythin' to do with me. Thinkin' about it hurts so much, but that's what I deserve, right? I don't deserve a guy like him. I don't deserve to be happy. Not when there's somethin' seriously wrong with me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Sides, I'm positive that he has feelings for Peko. He's so happy with her. They spend so much time together. Just last weekend, they had lunch together at the botanical gardens in town. He doesn't smile or laugh much, but when he does, it's almost always with her. She makes him so much happier than I ever could. I wanna be in her position, but I know I don't deserve to. She's a girl. I'm a guy. Big difference.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe I should be the one to end our friendship. I can't keep this secret forever, and I've long given up on… on these feelings ever going away. I'd rather die than be killed. I'd rather be the one to back out than to be thrown away like an old toy he doesn't want anymore. And then, after that… I'm not even gonna bother makin' friends with anyone. I don't deserve friends when I'm… when I'm like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I'm tossin' and turnin' in bed, just like I've been doing every night. I can't sleep when I've got these thoughts runnin' through my head all the time. Guess I should get up and work on that old-timey radio I mentioned earlier. Gettin' my head stuck into a project helps my brain shut up for awhile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But before I even get out of bed, I hear this massive clap of thunder that's so loud that it sounds like it's right outside my window. A flash of lightning quickly follows, briefly lighting up the entirety of my dark dorm room. I cry out as I hide beneath the covers, only reaching my hand out to fumble around for my phone and earbuds on the dresser.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hate thunderstorms so much. They make my heart go haywire and it's so hard to breathe. I'm such a coward… I have to rely on a playlist of calming songs I have on my phone to survive this…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I plug the earbuds in, shove them in my ears and open up the calming playlist before the next clap of thunder comes. I begin to slowly breathe in and out as the first song plays. I can already feel my heart rate slowing down again. I focus on the music and my breathing, reassuring myself that everything will be okay. It's just a thunderstorm. I can't hear it anymore. I'm safe. Everything's fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Someone pulls the covers away from me. I tense up for a moment, but when I look up, I see that it's only Fuyuhiko. It's hard to read his face, but he looks almost relieved.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sit up and remove my earbuds without pausing the track, greeting him with the best smile I can muster. "Hey, bro! What brings you here?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rolls his eyes, as if the answer were obvious. "You really think I wouldn't check up on you when there's a fuckin' thunderstorm?" He turns away from me, staring out of the window. "I don't wanna be kept awake all night 'cuz you're screamin' your head off."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, I'm fine now!" I reassure him. "I've managed to calm myself-" Another loud clap of thunder interrupts me. Without thinking, I yelp and cling to Fuyuhiko, gripping him as though he's my security blanket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fuck!" he exclaims. "Jesus, Kazuichi…" He gently pushes me away and hands me my earbuds. "Put these back on."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I do as he says with trembling hands, returning to my breathing exercise. He sits at the end of the bed and stays there for a good while, watching me closely. I notice that he's in his pyjamas with a dressing gown over the top, and I immediately feel guilty for dragging him out of bed. Damnit, what's the time? It's gotta be past lights-out. He's usually out like a rock by now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thankfully, the thunderstorm dies down after about ten minutes or so. I pause my music and remove my earbuds again. "Sorry 'bout that, man," I say to Fuyuhiko. "You can go back to bed now! I'll be fine!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Fuyuhiko doesn't do or say anything. He's just sittin' there like he didn't even hear me. Things feel really weird now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fuyuhiko? Bro?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks up at me with a look on his face that's so serious, it's kinda freaking me out. Is he okay? Did I do somethin' wrong? "Kazuichi… I…"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sit there, fiddling with my earbuds, waiting for him to finish whatever he's goin' to say. But he never does. Instead, he sighs heavily. "Nevermind. Forget about it." He gets up to leave. "I gotta get up early tomorrow mornin' to train with Peko. G'night."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I swallow the lump in my throat. "G'night, man," I reply quietly as he leaves, closing the door behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I lie down again. I have a bad feeling that this is gonna be another sleepless night. My mind is crowded with thoughts, and I don't think I can make it shut up. I keep thinkin' about how it felt to hold Fuyuhiko so close to me like that. How I wish he didn't push me away. How I wish he'd hold me back and play with my hair or somethin'.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's disgusting, right? Why can't I stop thinkin' this stuff? It wasn't like that at all. He didn't even want me to hold him like that. He must've been nauseated… maybe that's why he was actin' so weird when he left. He prolly doesn't wanna be my friend anymore. He only came in to check up on me 'cuz of that stupid thunderstorm, and this is how I repaid him. I don't blame him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I'm so disgusting and pathetic and weak. I really, really don't deserve him. If he's really gonna end our friendship, that's fine. It's my fault for bein' a bad friend.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wasn't originally planning for this to be a twoshot, but people seemed pretty keen on a continuation, and I wanted to expand upon the original fic myself, so... here we are! I hope this is a more satisfying conclusion!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I think I fucked up.</p>
<p>What the hell was I thinking? I should've fuckin' seen this coming. I got what I fuckin' deserved for trying to tell him the truth. I dunno what the hell came over me that night, but I was so fucking close to tellin' him something I'd regret. Now he's avoiding me. Prolly 'cause I was 'bout to spill my guts to him right after I helped him calm down from a panic attack.</p>
<p>Or maybe it's 'cause he somehow got the hint, even though I didn't say shit to him.</p>
<p>No, that's fucking stupid. Kazuichi is as dumb as a brick. If he can't see with his own two eyes that Sonia isn't interested in him, then there's no way in hell that he knows I'm fucking… ugh.</p>
<p>Okay, fine. So maybe I'm reading way too much into the way that bastard acts around me. Maybe I'm finding some pathetic sliver of hope in the way he calls me his Soul Friend like it's nothin', how he's always goin' on about "man dates" every time we hang out, how he's so… handsy with me all the time. One time he even squeezed my hand real tight while we were watching some shitty horror movie.</p>
<p>Maybe I'm still not fully over the fact that I'm fucking gay. Can you blame me? The world's so unforgiving toward gay guys, especially those who're part of the yakuza. I've tried so hard to deny it my whole life, ignoring those stupid, fleeting crushes I had on a few guys in middle school, but with my feelings for Kazuichi… I can't deny it anymore. I'm tryin' so fucking hard to accept myself, but how the fuck am I s'posed to do that when the world won't accept me?</p>
<p>Fuck. Those guys in the clan… they were right when they said that I don't deserve to lead the clan. I'm weak. I'm a sissy. I'm not even fucking straight. I'm not the kinda guy the clan deserves. They deserve someone strong, someone manly, someone who'll actually get a good wife. Hell, they deserve someone like Natsumi. She's everything I'm not – the perfect fit. She'd marry a good man and they'd have a kid who can take over the clan when they grow up. All my efforts to prove myself and get to where I wanna be are for nothing.</p>
<p>Why the hell did I have to catch feelings for Kazuichi of all people, anyway? Don't most chicks like guys with nice hair and pretty eyes who open doors for them and give them a bouquet of roses for the hell of it? Or guys like Gundam, maybe – dark, brooding, mysterious, hard as hell to have a conversation with. Kazuichi doesn't have really nice, well-kempt hair. He's not some charming gentleman or dark, brooding bad boy. He's just a cowardly fuckin' idiot who only bathes once a month. There ain't anythin' special about him. Even if he were a girl, I'd scoff at the idea of datin' him.</p>
<p>So why the hell do I feel like I'm gonna explode every time he touches me?</p>
<p>I guess it's 'cuz he's one of the only people who really gets me. I've shown him a lot more of my true colours than I prolly should've, and that night with the thunderstorm just proved that that was a big mistake. He's always been pretty cool with the fact that I'm not a complete jackass without a shred of morality. He doesn't baby me like Peko does sometimes, either. He reckons I'm one of the most badass people he's ever met. And he still thinks so even after I told him all about my insecurities and shit.</p>
<p>But I bet he's gonna change his tune when I tell him I'm gay for him. Even a spineless idiot like him has a limit, right?</p>
<p>Wait. Shit. I can't just assume shit about why Kazuichi's avoidin' me. Hell, now that I think about it, he's been kinda weird around me for awhile. And I don't mean the handholdin' and the weird Soul Friends crap. He hasn't been lookin' me in the eyes much lately, and when he does, he looks real nervous, a lot like he did before we became friends and shit. He's been blushin' a lot around me lately, too, especially durin' those times where my fingers accidentally brush against his when I'm passin' him a sheet of homework. Maybe this is just wishful thinking, but even if it isn't and he returns my feelings, what am I gonna gain from this? We can't date each other, we can't just go around kissing and holding hands. I can't put a target on my back like that. As soon as my secret gets out, it's over.</p>
<p>Whatever. I shouldn't get my hopes up. It's been three days since that night, and I need some kinda closure. I gotta find out why Kazuichi's avoiding me, and if he wants nothin' to do with me because of this bullshit, then fine. Maybe the end of our friendship is for the best, anyway. I can move on from him, find a new friend and try my damn hardest not to catch feelings for him, too.</p>
<p>So that's what I do. Kazuichi always makes a beeline for his workshop after classes, and sure enough, that's where he's headed after we've all finished cleaning up the classrooms. I follow him, keeping my distance, and watch as he enters the workshop, closing the door behind him. Once he's out of my sight, I stride forward, slam the door open and pin Kazuichi against the wall. He cries out, eyes widening. Shit. He looks terrified. Does he really think I'm gonna hurt him? No, he's just bein' his usual wimpy self, nothin' new.</p>
<p>I take a deep breath. When I talk, I try my best to keep my voice firm, but not intimidating enough to make Kazuichi shit his pants. "Why the fuck are you avoiding me?"</p>
<p>"I'm not avoidin' you!" he exclaims, turning his head away from my inquisitive gaze.</p>
<p>I grit my teeth at the obvious lie. "Cut the crap, Kazuichi. Look at me and answer the damn question."</p>
<p>It's freezing in here. My school uniform isn't enough to stop the goosebumps spreading across my skin. Maybe it's just the tension in here. Kazuichi still isn't looking at me, and it doesn't look like he's gonna open up anytime soon. He looks like a kicked puppy. Since when was he so scared of me? I know he's a coward, but he's at least been able to put up with me over the past few months we've been friends. I know I can be a jackass sometimes – okay, make that all the time – but I've never seriously hurt him. Not physically, at least.</p>
<p>"I can't say," he says. His voice is so quiet that I only just catch what he said.</p>
<p>He's not scared of me. He's scared of how I'll react to whatever the hell he's hiding from me. Right?</p>
<p>Fuck it. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of not knowing what the hell's goin' on with him. I wanna get this the fuck over with. Throwing caution to the wind, without even thinkin' about what I'm doing, I force Kazuichi to face me directly, then lean forward, close my eyes and kiss him.</p>
<p>It's awkward as hell. It feels like kissing a cardboard cutout. His lips are chapped – prolly 'cause he bites 'em so much – and he's not responding at all. He's just stiff with shock. By the time I pull away and open my eyes, he looks like a deer in the headlights.</p>
<p>Shit. Fuck. I just– I just kissed a guy. Not just any guy – I kissed a friend. My closest friend. Who I have feelings for.</p>
<p>Shit.</p>
<p>"Wh-what the hell was that!?" Kazuichi cries. He's shocked, that much is obvious, but what does he think of what just happened? Has he been wanting it? Is he disgusted? Is he gonna run away and never talk to me again?</p>
<p>"I kissed you, dumbass," I reply.</p>
<p>"I-I know that! But why?"</p>
<p>I sigh. "Why the fuck else would I kiss you? I'm gay, and I fucking like you!"</p>
<p>I brace myself for a negative reaction. A punch in the face. A homophobic slur. Something about how I'm not his Soul Friend anymore. But the whole workshop is silent, and Kazuichi somehow looks more perplexed than before. He's twirling his hair around his finger and tapping his foot the way he always does when he's really confused.</p>
<p>After a moment or two, he breaks the silence. "Wait. I-is that what you wanted to tell me the other night?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. Took ya long enough to figure that out."</p>
<p>He groans. "But you always came off as really… I mean, you were always sayin' that stuff to Mahiru 'cause she's… y'know. Lesbian." He says that last word like he's never said it aloud in his life.</p>
<p>I wince, guilt settling deep in the pit of my stomach. "Yeah, that's low, even for me," I admit. "It just… pisses me off to see her come out to everyone so easily and still get treated the same she's always been treated." I avoid his gaze, feeling a million times more vulnerable around him than usual. "If you wanna stop bein' friends, that's fine. Just don't–"</p>
<p>"Dude," he interrupts. "I wasn't thinkin' that at all, I just– I was avoidin' you 'cause I thought you wanted to beat the crap outta me for likin' you that way."</p>
<p>I look up and meet his eyes. It feels like a massive weight's just been lifted off my shoulders. "So I'm not trippin'. You really do like me back."</p>
<p>Kazuichi chuckles and rubs the back of his neck like he always does when he's nervous or embarrassed. "I'm just glad you don't think any less of me," he says. "I wasn't expectin' you to like me back, but… that makes me happy, too." He frowns. "I just… I don't think I'm ready for a relationship. Not with another guy."</p>
<p>"I dunno if we can even make a relationship work," I tell him truthfully. "If the clan ever finds out about this…"</p>
<p>He nods. "I getcha. We can just stay Soul Friends. 'S not like much would change."</p>
<p>"Yeah," I agree.</p>
<p>There's another silence – a more comfortable one, this time. Gotta be honest, the fact that we're still friends means a helluva lot more to me than a romantic relationship ever will. For the first time, I feel like I have a reason to accept myself. Kazuichi – my only real friend outside the clan – wants to stay by my side, even after finding out my deepest, most shameful secret.</p>
<p>Should I really be so ashamed of it, though? Does it really matter what anyone else thinks?</p>
<p>"Dude, you're thinkin' too hard," says Kazuichi. "You're not the only one strugglin' with this stuff, y'know? As Soul Friends, we gotta overcome this together!"</p>
<p>"Of course you'd say somethin' corny like that…" I groan.</p>
<p>He grins, showing off his razor-sharp teeth. "It's true, though!" He slings an arm around my shoulder. "No matter what happens, we gotta stick together!"</p>
<p>Deep down, I know that he's right.</p>
  </div></div>
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